Another Turkey

Turkey's all prepared
onion, apple, sage and thyme
Merry Christmas all

white christmas?

cold dry hard white specks
blow sideways through dried up grass
central texas snow

sometimes

The harder you try
fruitless efforts are in vain
the worse you make things

Round One

Caterers showed up
1st shift party was a blast
2nd at 7

Holiday Party

Where are caterers?
30 minutes to showtime
hate late people

I think I know one of our lurkers....

Bonnie is that you?
Hazelton lurking reader
send us a haiku!

Oy!

My brain is scrambled
Stressors I could ignore are
Encroaching on me

All by myself

Lonely haiku girl
posting partner uninspired
have you lost your muse?

MYLC

crystal orbs pierce me
protecting and challenging
never lets me fall.

4 days to go

frozen rock defrosts
awaiting transformation
to perfect roasted

Missing my Ex

oodles of candles
bought today -- What!, no Matches?
Conrad had lighters

(I knew I kept him around for something)

Seattle Mariner and UC Davis Haiku

visitors welcome
Seattle Mariners came
and UC Davis

send us a haiku
we'll post your sporty haiku
there's always more room

(Ok Curt -- that's the best I could do --you're the sports guy -- can you do better?)

Tech Support Haiku

No, a forward slash,
look where the question mark is,
you learned something new.


(Jay -- my super cool brother sent me this one -- he says it's not original - but I'm happy to post it!)

Sometimes even cowgirls get the blues

So many bad dates
Douchebags always plentiful.
Must delete profile.


(See if you don't provide a title -- you get what you get!)

Thank you Jen for another great submittal!

Irritant

lousy wayward crumb
youre trapped beneath my keyboard
cant apostrophe

Haiku Hiatus

Beloved haiku

I've missed you these last 3 weeks

internet returns

With apologies to Steven Wright

Dental appointment?
Eat a box of Oreo's
Hygenist real cute

zzzzzzt!!!!!

Fixing Gina's dryer
Pointing out a loose wire
Just call me "Lefty"

comfort

Warm steel band wraps me

encircles protecting me

calms my shaking breath

my week

wake drive work drive sleep
wake drive work drive sleep wake drive
work drive sleep Wednesday

wake drive work drive sleep
wake drive work drive to Fort Worth
Friday is Curt Day!

Hey Empress! :)

Don't know if you've seen
cakewrecks dot blogspot dot com
Right up your alley

Watching cooking shows
Don't let anybody know
They'll take my man card

My irritating traits

infuriated
signs say 10 items or less
instead of fewer

line everything up
random OCD nut job
always counts the steps

fanatic food snob
picks apart each recipe
worships Julia Child

huge shoe obsession
20 pair this year alone
don't put them away

snore, talk, laugh and hoot
yes, even hoot in my sleep
don't dare wake me up

laugh at my own jokes
especially unfunny
yes, I crack me up

milk - foul white substance
must be drunk first day opened
throw it down the sink

great at backgammon
crap at cards -- does a full house
beat a royal flush?

stubborn to a fault
stick to my guns way too long
world is black and white

I suck

Damn -- I missed the mark
Tried to write one every day
short by eleven.

ZzzzzzZzzzzzzZzz

party animal
fell asleep at 8:30
so ridiculous

Down to checking the front door lock twice

double lock checking
hmm, Am I getting better
or have a death wish?

HR woman

horrible woman
unbending on all the rules
my new job hates me

dirt transferral

weird that cleaning things
makes you get dirty instead
kind of ironic

stumped

One haiku a day
originally seemed smart
harder than it looks!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Peace tranquilty
smooth cool sheets on a hot night
Who doesn't love home?

Ode to Ice Cream

Fresh Frozen sweet cream
chocolate, cherry, vanilla
too bad it hates me

HR Envy

Proofreading handbooks
Leading the glamorous life
Bet you're all jealous

fry faux pas

sweet potato fries
crave salt to balance crispness
they don't need sugar

Lost in FL

No doubt I got lost
exits grown over with green
Florida's a trip

Sunday

woosh weekend sails by
too brief respite from chaos
back into the fray

1/2 full or empty? -- what? How come you got a glass??

Best part of the day
underwire snapped, sharp stabbing
all downhill from there

argh!

Just sound of my phone
eye twitches, pass me the Tums
Lord -- what is it now!

silliness

Don't change your leopards
in mid stream or count the spots
love mixed metaphors

Thanks to Watership Down

Rabbit on the moon

I have never seen the man

watership down rules

Purging the old cube

shame shame shame on me
such a terrible pack rat
3 hours to clean desk

bittersweet purging
happy memories of success
laughing with my friends

oh wait.....hated the cube
noisy, cold -- no space to think
good new beginnings

If wishes were horses....

star light, star bright wish
preserve things just as they are
happy as I am

week 1 new job

humiliation
just wanted to rest my eyes
fast asleep at 8


(my stupidity
posting this on the wrong blog
I blame exhaustion)

Missing Him.

Misty-eyed mystery
floored by a simple kind word
always chokes me up

I'm not usually a zombie

Scary zombie dreams
Get bit and you become one
Too much time with me

:)

Nightly OCD

repeatedly check
securing my double locks
surely there are drugs

Rotten Thursday

Thunder splinters night
shattering sleep, hours awake
I finally drift off


Nightmares starring ex
possessed of murderous rage
woke up in a sweat


AC power off
overslept alarm failed me
shower in the dark


great leaky ceiling
must sop up wet carpeting
leave with still wet hair


missed a key meeting
I hate to be late - loser
behind the 8 ball


Yea power is back!
equilibrium returns
ready for weekend!

Two more days...

When I'm not with her
Hard outer armor comes back
Don't like the feeling

But I'm confident
That with the first Gina-kiss
The shell will drop off

So you think you can Dance haiku - from Sam

Ugly sequined dress
Poor Cat, she has no control
Sparkly leopard print


The backstory -- Why oh why do they make Cat Deely wear those awful dresses -- it's like she pissed off her costume designer.

(Thanks Sam for the cool haiku!)

Doctor fun

Sit and wait, wait wait
call your name wait more
pee in cup and wait

wait for the doctor
10 minute consultation
wait to draw some blood

wait for prescription
wait to schedule sonogram
repeat in 10 days

Herculean tasks, you say?

Nemean Lion
Crap, the arrows aren't working
Stun it with your club

Killing the Hydra?
Wash the stumps in it's own blood
Last head under rock

Capturing the Hind
That thing's fast, chasing it sucks
Lame it while it sleeps

How to catch the boar?
Maybe ask centaur Chiron -
Easy catch in snow...

Augean Stables
Yuck, those things are so nasty!
Divert some rivers

Those man-eating birds?
Such a pain in the behind
Hmmm, they don't like noise...

Snag the Cretan bull?
Said Minos, "Sure, take it off"
Strangled with bare hands

Those man-eating mares?
Something to eat will calm them down
Then you can bind them

Amazon's girdle?
No need to steal, she's a skank
Herc's such a hottie

Cattle of Geyron?
Hydra's blood comes in handy
Poisoned the monster

Steal the nymph's apples?
Hold the world while Atlas sneaks
Trick him on return

Cerberus, three heads...
Dog that guards the gates of hell
No problem for Herc

passing the torch

Transitioning woes
Herculean tasks detailed
buried in quicksand

Two can play at that game

I miss you too babe
more than I want to admit
how did this happen?

no expectations
I just wanted to have fun
now we're a couple

glad we're going slow
I'm enjoying the journey
holding your hand

Mushy to pervy in record time...

Your island is hot
I'm turned on completely by
the topography.

With apologies to Paul Simon

Trusting another
So much easier to say
"I am an island"

But I feel safe
Here on your island because
It's much like my own.

The journey is what's important

Walking together
Not knowing where the path leads
Works when I'm with you

Mom's Chicken Cacciatore Recipe

salt pepper chicken
thighs and brown in olive oil
all sides then remove

saute sliced onions
minced garlic bay - translucent
small can tomatoes

chicken back in pot
one cup white wine and simmer
noodles -- best next day

The females in my life

I'm lonesome no more
Daddy weekends followed by
Big Daddy weekends :)

Nolie and Gina
Both making me feel so good
So necessary

I find the best part
Not having time all alone
To get so depressed

Only problem is
My two cats feel neglected
They're attention whores

I fully expect
To find furniture in shreds
Some sunny morning

Ms. Awesome

When you're curled with me
All my problems melt away
There's just you and me

rude girl

The backstory -- Sam wrote this (hopefully) sarcastic haiku in response to my apology for rudely failing to follow my P's and Q's.

Gina is so rude
Never saying please or thanks
unthoughtful cube mate

Thanks Sam!!!

sore loser....

Backgammon loser
If the game were simply luck
you might have won more

I blame the dice...

Backgammon woman
Kicks my butt consistently
At least it's not chess

Ben Wa Balls

"silly -- you can't lose them"
But Ladies -- word to the wise
buy the ones with string

perception

Public persona
hard candy shell protects me
from melting inside

Poetic License IV (Oh crap)

Banjo music starts
"Gina, are we in a film?"
"Yes... Deliverance"

Poetic License III (the revenge)

"You could get hard time
them poems ain't got no rhyme"
Cop levies a fine

Poetic License II

Cop pulls us over
"We don't like your kind down here
Writing bad haiku"

Poetic License

Poetic license
Just an expression, thank God
mine would be revoked

Mr. Mush takes the left turn...

I love it when poems write themselves and go on routes you weren't expecting...

Scaring me to death
With the depth of emotion
You can make me feel

It might just be that
Emotions have been in check
For far too long now

Inexperienced
Unable to truly sort
Feelings such as this

Then I remember
That you are in the same boat
That you're frightened too

And I can relax
I can let my feelings out
From their hiding place

The level of trust
That I find I place in you
Is just amazing

Because I know that
Responsibility is
Not taken lightly

We hold each other
Carefully, like new fledglings
Not wanting to hurt

We know how it feels
To be crushed by a Lenny
Or by selfishness

-----------------------------------

Enough of all that!
Granted, Mr. Mush is real
So is the Bastard

But I find that it's
Really Curt who enjoys you
Screw the personae!

So we'll meet Friday
To dip our toes once again
In our pool of ardor...

Hockey Draft Newbie

Just to understand....
worst go first....the best pick last
09 Hockey draft

grim faced managers
(why do they boo Toronto?)
icy strategy

3 hours to draft
apple cheeked 18 yr old
future hockey stars

No one would have guessed
I would ever watch hockey
one hell of a crush

June in Dallas

Baking, roasting burn
scalding, searing sizzling
sultry sweltering

torrid feverish
ardent sun scorches blisters
just wait til July

For the Empress...

I'm wondering, as
I know beginnings can be
Too good to be true

But you understand...
Think that our starting points are
Not dissimilar

Our hearts have broken
Before and maybe again
We guard them closely

But I'm trying to
Enjoy the moments with you
Free of fear and angst

I trust you and I
To take care with each other's
Bruised and mending souls

I am no hunter
Simply a friend and lover
For you to enjoy

You'll always be free
To give and take what you can
allow yourself to

I'll never hold you
More then you want to be held
Or more than I can

But I can deal with
Even the frightening parts
Because I trust you

Frightening parts can
Become very beautiful
When they're confronted

And that's where I am
Enjoying our friendship and
Learning to release

Even the short time
That we have been together
I've learned quite a bit

Rather, been reminded
That feelings are not things to
Squash beneath my feet

Think I'll let them
Play a little bit, and find
Their place in my life

Once you start -- you cannot stop -- you see haiku everywhere

Lost Dog -- Black & White
Deaf, incontinent -- needs meds
Beagle Terrier

The backstory -- sign on phone pole on the way to dinner -- maybe there's medication for this

Ode to Jason

by Jenn --

Hot twenty-something,

Far too immature for me,

But hung like a horse.

Many months of fun

But suddenly I’m too old.

You won’t find better!

Back with his girlfriend,

But checking out my daughter

Man, you’re such a pig.

Late nite text message –

The girlfriend’s not working out,

I’ll let you suck it.

Laughing my ass off

Do you think I’m that hard up?

See you around, douche.

Love Jenn (I know I do!) and want to read more??? -- visit her at: www.randomjenn.blogspot.com

To submit your own Haiku for publication -- email us at seriouslybadhaiku@gmail.com

Spring Blows

I hate cottonwoods
irritating snowflakes blow
why do trees hate me

Foxy Loxy

The backstory: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/us_germany_fox German fox steals more than 100 shoes for her kits to play with.

Germans go barefoot
thief plunders porches of shoes
foxy foot fetish

Agreed, Jenn's awesome

Jenn rocks completely
Kicking some comedy ass
And getting laid too?

One can only hope
That we make her barf a lot
But in a nice way...

Thanks, Jenn

Jenn rocks!

Submitted by Jenn

He's crushing on me

While sleeping on my sofa.

Rock stars need love too.

To read more about Jenn -- visit her blog:

www.randomjenn.blogspot.com


(Thank you Jenn for being our first submission! -- you rock!)

To submit your own Haiku for publication -- email us at seriouslybadhaiku@gmail.com

In my place :)

What a pair we make
She the Empress of Haiku
Me the court jester

Internal Monologue - packing for a trip

Flight 7:30
set alarm for 4am
wide awake at 3

Wide strap carry on
Still smells like curry I bought
Can't leave without it

Barettes camera phone
cherry chili chocolate bar
Check purse for ID

Books lip balm notebook
pencil and the sharpener
phone and charger, gum

unplug computer
Sansa Dane Cook Downloaded
What a bag of crap

What's the weather like?
hairdryer and curling iron
lock doors and windows

Check ID again
can I fit more shoes in here
water plants email curt

6 shirts, 2 jeans socks
underwear for 7 days
makeup...pack more socks

Car reservation
Do I think I overpacked?
Turn dishwasher on

2 skirts and a dress
I can rearrange to fit
add a pair of shoes

Out the door by 5
arrive freakishly early
now I sit and wait

Denial? Me??? no, of course not

The backstory: http://thefarschside.blogspot.com/2009/06/vacation-best-laid-plans.html


Gina in Denver
Maybe there's less chance of her
Locking herself out...


Curt is in Texas
Missing Gina in Denver?
No, no, no, no.... yes


(From Gina)

Even in Denver
last year locked outside with dogs
wearing my pjs

Cannibulemia

(Ok the backstory -- Curt coined the phrase "Cannibulemic" -- or at least WE think so -- and --thought it would be a challenge to write haiku about a bulemic cannibal -- think you can do better?? -- dare you!)


Cannibulemic

Sweet succulent flesh
succubus call entices
maybe just a bite

a divine nibble
unclean desire fulfilled
sordid sacrament

fingers toes femurs
thigh and breast, tenderloin, flank
surreptitious acts

Inconsolable
purge offending sustenance
evidence hidden

dejected, alone
unrestrained nocturnal binge
doomed to purge again

Sweet Friends....

encouraging doves
cooing softly breaks silence
fledgelings start to fly

For my daughter (a work in progress)

Nolie has owned me
From the first time I saw her
She was minutes old

Holding her, crying
Knowing from that moment on
Her back is covered

I had no idea
What real emotion could be
Until she was born

---------------------------------------

Six months old and she
Knows where my credit card is
Boy, I'm in trouble

Learning and growing
She was counting to twenty
before she was two.

Such a proud Daddy
Everyone must admire
She's the Golden Child

-----------------------------------

Then comes the divorce
I am absolutely crushed
To be without her

But she cheers me up
The days that I am with her
She fills up my heart

And I recover
Learn to cherish Daddy Days
Not pine for what's lost

----------------------------------

Giving her music
She gets enough of Barney
With me, it's The Who

Also the Beatles
She sings Eleanor Rigby
Not missing a word

Hard to comprehend
How cool is a four year old
fan of King Crimson?

---------------------------------

Protective Daddy
Scaring crap out of people
No one dares touch her

I know that it's bad
If she can't fend for herself
But I can't help it.

What are Daddies for?
If not to smooth the way for
Their precious daughter?

May the Force....

G:
forced haiku writing
amusing tho' it may be
Yoda like sound you

C:
Guilty as charged I
Do sound too much like Yoda
in my forced haikus

Look on the bright side
At least I do not use my
creepy Yoda voice

Birds nesting outside the window

G:
sweet avians trust
fierce warrior vigilantly
protects the fledgelings

C
sweet avians threat
Why are you looking at us?
I'll peck your eyes out

Asthma, death and necrophilia

C
Breathless can be good
Not to the point of needing
your nebulizer

G
you push the limit....
breathless but not unconscious
and I'm not dead yet

C
This is a good thing
I am just so not into
Necrophilia

Random Haiku from Haiku Frenzy Day

Poo to all taboos
We don't need no stinking rules
Jointly build our own

***

The artful haiku
muse is stalling maybe she's
on a coffee break

***
(by Curt)


The fire within
Sparked by the first sight of you
Every single time

Haiku madness (also a repost)

Read and liked my blog
What kind of nut could she be?
She's in Virginia!

E-mails back and forth
Funny, smart, and likable
She'd be quite a catch

Connect with mind first
Always the best way with me
Not just eye candy

Sent me her picture
Guys would think of nothing else
But how hot she is.

Learn more about her
Converse with her on the phone
Connect even more

She's quite a good friend
I can talk to her about
Things that bother me

And things that I like
I told her about Gina
She's rooting for us

And what are friends for?
Giving me her perspective
Things I might not think

She's been through some crap
That people shouldn't have to
She should be so proud

Holding together
Keeping her head about her
I'm proud of her too

And her sweet daughter
She will be a heartbreaker
Just like her mom is

Keep your chin up, babe
The Putz is not typical
We're not all assholes

Know that I care for
My friend and her happiness
More than I can say

Bad Dating Haiku (reposted)

foot fetish request
photos of my red tip toes
scary stalker dude

Sad widower dad
sweet talker tugged at heart strings
scamming rat bastard

our sweet wild oats sowed
poor guy could not have known it
I was a nut job

all things in common
continually braying
Eeyore's lame world view

Tall drink of water
over before it began
so apathetic

sweet forgettable
bland bland bland bland bland bland bland
can't recall your face

Hot sporty trainer
seriously what were you
thinking you would find?

Best first date ever
so desparately craving
love that I can't give

Swing daddio Swing
too nice afraid to corrupt
never will get laid

Set up for failure
Misourri wants company
how could it have worked

Prom date big build up
Bi-polar can't excuse it
what the hell was that

Hank Hill stop calling
you crazy psycho fucker
your third wife shot you